With and without you
by pinksnow
Summary: That all important friend isn't here? Does life become difficult? Faint Sae/Fuji, tiny appearances by Eiji, Tezuka, Itsuki. No spoilers


Collection of drabbles. SaeFuji mostly :)

Disclaimer: The boys and PoT are not mine!

On with the story.

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><p><em>All in all, people say that you are a pretty happy person.<em>

_All in all even you would say that you are a pretty happy person. _

_But you have your moments._

Contrary to the popular belief Fuji is not Saeki's best friend, far from it actually, Fuji might have trouble maintaining the position of 'close friend' even.

They don't see each other all that often. And they fail even more miserably with the phone.

Any and all meetings are mere coincidences. Like bumping into each other in the mall, then there are the 'n' numbers of tournaments, or the street courts, or there was that one time in Karaoke. Every time that they do bump into each other on such random occasions, they grin , they laugh together, Saeki sometimes finds himself brushing his fingers sheepishly at the nape of his neck when Fuji throws in a cheeky comment or two; he does bite back of course, he'll never pass up the opportunity to do that.

Sometimes they leave together; mostly after five minutes of the supposed 'catching up' they smile and they part ways.

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><p>Not being with Fuji doesn't hurt Saeki.<p>

There are too many things to worry about, too many things to laugh about, too much going on in life to pay attention to a trifling detail like that. Life after all is so busy, busy…busy.

Once in a while though, he opens his desk and the key chain that Fuji gave ages ago suddenly get pulled into view along with the rest of the stuff that's threatening to spill out of the drawer; once in a while he opens the photo album only to stumble upon that group photo from fourth grade where a small him and a small Fuji are standing close to each other and smiling without a care in the world, smiling for the camera and smiling for each other.

More often than not these little 'sometimes' brings a faint smile on his face, at times like those, it doesn't hurt.

It _aches_.

* * *

><p>Boys don't cry. Saeki is a boy. Saeki doesn't cry.<p>

That's the logical equation which Saeki tries to follow. So when an eight year old Saeki falls and scrapes his knee (rather badly), even though his eyes and knee both are stinging miserably, Saeki manages a tight smile, well barely. But hey he is a big boy now, a big, brave boy who won't cry.

_Saeki is hurting. Saeki is not crying. I should cry._

With Fuji the logic (or lack of it) is always, always flawed.

Fuji cries first; in the end both Saeki and Fuji are crying.

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><p>There were times when his head would feel heavy on getting home, nothing major, just a constant, mild but annoying throb which Fuji isn't sure it can be classified as pain.<p>

Fuji wished it felt like pain.

Then at least he would have another excuse to call up Yuuta and complain of frail health, how the absence of his cute little brother is harming his well being alarmingly. Yuuta would stutter and Yuuta would sputter and two days later Yuuta would be there at the door (probably with a raspberry pie in tow) and glare with a flushed face, 'I'm not here for you baka aniki!'

Yes, Fuji really hopes he falls sick soon.

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><p>And Fuji quickly dedicates himself to putting all efforts in that general direction.<p>

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><p>That idea temporarily floats out of his head when Saeki pinches his ear, chides (lectures) him for 36 minutes, 40 seconds about the bad effects of starvation and sleeplessness on the body.<p>

But then it was the first time Fuji actually saw Saeki glare and it amused him to no end.

It left him with two reasons to try the same stunt again.

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><p>The title of mysterious tensai does not weigh heavy on Fuji's head.<p>

For most of the times he finds it really easy to play the part. He is a genius and he has a decent number of secrets about him to keep it all sufficiently mysterious.

He can hear the murmurs when he is walking down the corridors, he can hear them when he steps into the classroom. All he has to do is smile through closed eyes and sometimes its' enough to make a sheepish/ uncertain expression appear even on the sensei's face. And it's all good, its helping to keep the nuances away – the girl swoon, the boys murmur/cower etc and everything is done from a distance.

There are some people who are not deterred by the mysterious façade, Fuji has come to learn. Kikumaru Eiji is one of them.

Whenever Eiji finds something secretive, he will prod, poke, bother, whine (as in nya, nya, nya) till Fuji is laughing.

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><p>Now if Fuji pauses to think about it deeply enough, he can sometimes recollect that there was someone around whom he failed to be mysterious at all.<p>

For Saeki he was somehow transparent. The occasions that Saeki actually had to ask him what was wrong were rare – not completely absent but rare.

There was something about Saeki, the light voice, blue eyes the color of a clear summer sky (so different from his own), the mischief, the laughter, the silence when he needed a listener, whatever it was - sooner or later it _would_ get him talking and he never had to talk much. It was usually four or five words, Saeki would nod in understanding, stay quiet just in case Fuji wanted to say more.

Knowingly/unknowingly Saeki had lifted quite a few weights off his shoulders; his head would be clearer, heart noticeably little 'talks' helped.

If there were no more words from Fuji what would generally follow was words of advice if Saeki had any and stroking on the back which conveyed something along the lines of 'it's not your fault/ it's going to be ok' .

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><p>Fuji sometimes thinks that Saeki had more secrets than he did. He also thinks that it was unfair that he was unable to make the other <em>tell<em>.

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><p>Contrary to popular belief, on some occasions it can actually be quite difficult to make Saeki talk.<p>

The first one to notice that is Itsuki.

Saeki is silent on the bus ride home. The mood is hard to explain, the mood is hard to put into words; Saeki is not being unfriendly but something's, well how to put it? ..Off.

And while Itsuki wants to ask what is bothering the boy, his mouth clams just every time he opens his mouth to ask which is a odd feeling since he is used to asking why? why? why ? Every time.

* * *

><p>Saeki is one who could easily qualify for the title of beach bum; he loves the beach.<p>

It's not unusual to find the Rokkaku team on the beach, collecting oysters for a nice team dinner; it is not unusual to find Saeki on the beach even when the others are not around, maybe taking a walk, maybe building castles in the sand.

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><p>On that note Saeki loves building sand castles; he has become quite good at it.<p>

The process is slow, time consuming so to speak and hence requires patience. He is focused when he is playing with sand, just like he is when he on court; adept hands move swiftly, packing sand with water under the bright sun and sculpting till it starts taking shape, ornate pillars, huge door , little windows all standing out faintly and then in a more defined manner when Saeki is finally adding finishing touches.

They mesmerize Fuji - both the sculpture and the sculptor.

After he is done Saeki will turn around to give a typically boyish grin to whoever is the spectator, a young Fuji has noted the habit of his friend.

Saeki could keep at it for hours and while sometimes Fuji joins Saeki, Fuji could keep just keep watching for hours.

* * *

><p>Fuji sometimes wonders if Saeki still builds castles in the sand.<p>

* * *

><p>Saeki's first love is in kindergarten – the girl in the pink bows and brown curls spilling everywhere, who used to call him 'Taeki-kuun'.<p>

Fuji's first rival is in kindergarten – the girl in the pink bows and brown curls spilling everywhere, who used to call Saeki 'Taeki-kuun'.

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><p>Fuji thinks that Tezuka is like a diamond.<p>

Well, not just Fuji, there are many who would think of Tezuka as a diamond in a class of its own shining bright, bright, bright.

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><p>Rather than a diamond Fuji would compare Saeki to an ordinary, inexpensive marble.<p>

There is reasoning behind the same.

A diamond is an object of possession, its' brilliance is to be flaunted selfishly; the luster in Saeki on the other hand comes easy. In sunshine it shines bright enough to be blinding and its' for everybody, its' precious.

Not just for him. _Never_ just for him.

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><p>There are times when even Fuji likes to be selfish.<p>

On rare, extremely rare occasions (when digging through the closet holding secrets of the past, coming across the now barely recognizable eraser Saeki handed to him in grade four and which he forgot to give back) he wonders if it was possible for him to have one single marble all to himself and not share it with anybody.

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><p>Saeki has unknowing loved Fuji unconditionally and will unknowingly always continue to do so.<p>

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><p><em>All in all, people say that you are a pretty happy person.<em>

_All in all even you would say that you are a pretty happy person. _

_But you have your moments._

…

_During those moments I want you to remember me._

_For I am always with with you._

_I want you to smile._

And every time Saeki sees Fuji he knows he'll smile.

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><p>Owari<p>

A/N: comments much loved ^^ thank you for reading!


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